My goal once was to always be positive with my posts, but realistically that is difficult to do. A day or two ago, I got a really neat message from a woman I’ve never met. It was a comment she added to my post about pulling out of a 3-day funk. She said, “Thanks for sharing. Don’t be afraid to share the difficult times too. We all have to go through them and it’s what makes the great times oh so sweet!” She is so right. In a sense, it would be a lie to promote the power of positive thinking and only write posts on the GOOD times. There is a lot to be said for thinking positively, but it is not foolproof. Life happens. I think the saying above is the best advice. We all have problems, but we also all have so many blessings.
There are a lot of things I could sit here and whine and moan about, and boy did I do a lot of that in my time. There are times I feel terribly sorry for myself (I think we all do to an extent – or a lot of us anyway). But really … I have my health (save for that bat-shit crazy or BSC diagnosis but that hasn’t been confirmed yet), I have food in the fridge, a roof over my head (even though I’m trying to sell it as quickly as possible), a sweet dog, and I just got a JOB! Ok, not so much what I wanted to be doing, but it’s what I need to do. I am ever so grateful that my old employer hired me back. I refuse to name the company for fear that someone will call them and inform them that I am BSC, lol. I’m looking at this job opportunity positively … they put me on one of their hardest accounts, but it pays more money. I could think, “Man they are trying to run me off already,” but I choose to think, “They looked at my QA (quality assurance) scores from when I worked there before and thought, “Now this is a girl who can handle a tough account.”
The biggest and most important thing I have is my sense of humor. An old cliché, but laughter truly is the best medicine. I love laughing and I love making others laugh. There is nothing better. I think this is funny, albeit kinda silly:
But I’m weird like that.
I want to talk about self-worth. This hotdawg picture just fits cuz an old friend called me tonight. He knows my past affinity for hotdogs. And he also knows about my difficulties with feeling worthy. It was good to laugh with him about old times.
Anyway, I used to determine my self-worth on whether or not I had a man in my life … was I loved, was I making a lot of money, do people like me, do I look good, etc. Oh, I can be a real bitch when somebody done somebody (me) wrong song, but I have a heart of gold for the very few people I love. I am one of the most painfully honest and outspoken persons you will ever meet, which is why friends are few and far between for me. People don’t seem to like that. That’s ok though; I prefer real over fake any day. Gone are the days of settling, though. I’d rather be alone than be treated poorly or disrespected.
I may have my “issues,” but I deserve to be treated well. We all do. Life is too short. Way too friggin’ short. I believe I treat the man I love incredibly well; I think he takes it for granted. I’m about to turn 44 … forty-friggn-four! I can’t believe it. My life is half or more over. And what do I have to show for it?! Not much … I just hope that things will continue to get better and better. I cannot afford to believe otherwise. I don’t need a man, but it would be pretty cool to find one that appreciated me despite all my faults. For now, alone is mighty fine.