Forgive me … my knowledge base of professional wrestling is very limited, but I have recently enjoyed watching a few matches as well as some life stories of a few of the more popular characters who indulge in this sport. My favorite is The Rock, but I don’t even know if he is still wrestling. I’m way outta the loop and behind the times with all pop culture.
He looks delicious to me. Kinda ironic … Wrestlemania. Unfortunately, I’m still wrestling with the other side of bipolar – depression. I would like nothing more than to put a sleeper hold on this shit so it never wakens to plague any human being ever again. For the fortunate ones who have never suffered from clinical depression, please understand that it is as debilitating as the Undertaker’s Tombstone Pile Driver:
Ok, enough of the wrestling analogies. But seriously, as awful as depression is, add anxiety to the mix and I can truly say I am a mess, a hot-n-sizzling mess, but a mess nonetheless. Kidding by the way. The only thing sizzling of late are my fingers, hands, and wrists, as I’m constantly burning them while feeding my wood stove.
If you click on this pic, you will see that the temperature gauge says too hot. The blisters on my hands agree. Anyway, that’s what I get for loading up the stove with locust and not putting heatproof gloves on. I don’t have any. By the way, one sign of depression is an inability to concentrate or focus on a task at hand. I think I just demonstrated that. Ugh.
If only it were this simple (or maybe it is?):
Sounds like Buddhism … I need to try to practice that. Easier said than done.
I mentioned anxiety, something I’ve NEVER had to deal with and always thanked the good Lord above for that. Lately, however, anxiety and I have gone head to head and sometimes anxiety has won. I don’t know if it’s the combination of meds I am on, of which my PNP (psychiatric nurse practitioner) and I are still trying to tweak, or if it’s just a lovely new symptom that stems from my bipolar. I had to go to Wal-Mart the other day and was scared to death. What an awful feeling for someone who used to be so confident and self-assured.
Yea baby … how I hope I can overcome this.
I apologize if this blog post doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I need to get back into some sort of routine, and I want writing to be a part of it even though my posts may not be all that entertaining. If nothing else, it’ll be a documentation of my journey through this living hell. Not to mention I have a lot of catching up to do regarding my 6-week stint in rehab. Still sober by the grace of God!
As the Nature Boy Ric Flair takes down the Undertaker with a figure-four lock, I bid you adieu … WOO!